There is no "dream guy".

Why decentering men is essential to a matriarchal future.

Hi beloved friends,

Today I’d like to talk about the growing movement to decenter men from our lives and why it’s matriarchal in nature.

This is a paid letter, not to gatekeep these important ideas, but to protect my boundaries and ensure I can more freely communicate deeply personal experiences around this topic. If you are unable to pay, please message me directly, and I’ll gift you a membership.

Earlier this year, drained from my relationship, I posted this TikTok video:

It went viral, reaching hundreds of thousands of women who are, simply put, fed up with men. Many of us watched our mothers quietly enduring patriarchal expectations to do it all, to clean up after men, and to accept this not only as natural, but as a destiny we should strive for. Most little girls in the West are raised with Disney and teen romance movies where the man comes to our rescue, and marrying “the one” is portrayed as the ultimate life goal. We read magazines and advice columns on how to keep a man, or how to prepare for the “happiest day of our lives”.

Romance and sexual love are inherently intoxicating, and for that reason, they have been very easy to wield as a tool to subtly enforce patriarchy. The majority of us have been sold the dream that when we feel strong feelings for a man, then we should build our entire lives with and around him. Raise kids with him. Create a home with him.

On the surface, it’s a beautiful idea. But in practice, especially under patriarchy, it has become a way to deplete women of community and internal power.