It's not "women rule".
Misconceptions about matriarchy debunked.
Before I can hope to reach you with a matriarchal vision, we need to get on the same page. If you’re reading this, you may not know me in real life, so we need to establish a baseline of trust. I’d like to talk through some misconceptions about matriarchy so that when I use certain terms, you understand my intentions.
Matriarchy is about making sure every person feels safe and welcome to be themselves, whatever that looks like. That is how I would like to prepare this space for us. There is so much confusion about matriarchy, largely by design. This is because if more people knew what matriarchy truly means, patriarchal systems would lose their grip.
It’s the nature of patriarchy to distort and suppress any other way of thinking or relating. That’s how systems of domination work: they consume everything.
Patriarchy teaches us to use language in a way that invites divide and judgment rather than acceptance and empathy. Patriarchy encourages ways of being in the world that are damaging, not only to others but also to ourselves.
We are all accustomed to this “normal”, so we naturally have suspicion of anything different. I understand why people are suspicious of matriarchy, or why people are so disillusioned that matriarchy may seem utopian or unrealistic. Under patriarchal capitalism, we’re used to thinking there’s a “catch” to things. Luckily, matriarchy has no fine print.
Without matriarchy, you and I would not be here to exchange these words. Humans were likely matriarchal for over a hundred thousand years. There is logically no other way for our ancestors to have survived without the stability of egalitarian and loving communities. If our ancestors did not deeply trust each other, and if they did not recognize the interconnectedness of life, we would not be here today.
Our ancestors naturally structured their societies around the people who made other people and around the maternal values that sustained their communities. This wasn't just practical - it recognized the profound power of creation and nurturing that enabled the survival of our species.
Matriarchy is an intuitive and logical social structure, unlike patriarchy which requires constant coercion and violence. For patriarchy to keep existing, there has to be confusion and fear about what matriarchy truly means.
With all that being said, let’s clear up some common misconceptions about matriarchy. Below are some questions I’ve received quite a few times. If you have any other questions, please post them in the comments and we can discuss.
Is matriarchy a system where women rule?
No. At its core, matriarchy is an ancient social system rooted in honoring and upholding maternal values. It is fundamentally egalitarian, usually with consensus-based political decision-making and a reciprocal gift economy. It is mother and child-centered and can be matrilineal (which means the family unit is organized along and around the mother).
A society that puts mothers and children at the center is inherently inclusive because every human being is a child once. The idea that matriarchy means “women rule” is incorrect and does not accurately represent how matriarchies actually manifest.
Mothers are often leaders and influential figures in matriarchal societies, but they don’t have the power to oppress or control others as leaders in patriarchy.
The Greek root -arch can mean “to rule” as in “monarch” or “archbishop” but it has a second definition. The words “archeology” and “archetype” use this definition to mean “beginning”. Matriarchy literally means “mother beginning”. And this concept is exactly how it manifests.
Does mother-centered mean mothers are more important than others?
Someone being “more important” than someone else is a patriarchal concept rooted in the belief in hierarchy. Under matriarchy, hierarchy is nonexistent and mothers would not receive more power than anyone else.
Mothers would certainly be respected and revered for the wisdom they hold in their proximity to life-giving. But this respect would not give them the power to oppress.
A mother-centered society is not strictly about mothers themselves, but also about recognizing the importance of maternal values in holding human society together.
Is there a gender binary under matriarchy?
No. In many past and present matriarchal societies, gender is fluid and self-defined. Rather than splitting people up into two separate categories, these societies recognize that sex and gender exist on a spectrum.
To me, “matriarch” is a gender-neutral and inclusive term, and has more to do with embodying maternal values rather than the physical act of mothering.
If gender is a social construct, why do you use the term “woman” in your work?
Since we currently live in a patriarchal system that has a gender binary, almost every one of us has been labeled “man” or “woman” and has had certain common experiences and expectations placed on them.
The act of naming womanhood creates a shared language that recognizes these experiences collectively, allowing us to build solidarity. Without the word “woman”, how do we talk about the systemic ways people socialized as such have been treated?
The reality is that the wider world around me labels me a woman, and I am trying to explore and reclaim for myself what that means. In doing so, I hope to help others understand what womanhood means to them so that we can create a shared narrative that validates our lived experiences and unites us.
By feeling safe to explore what womanhood means, we also create space for trans women, non-binary people, and others who resonate with aspects of womanhood to contribute to the narrative.
Naming and understanding the lived experience of womanhood is not about reinforcing rigid identities, but about expanding our definition of womanhood away from patriarchal limitations. When we do this, we create a bridge to a future where identities are fluid and self-defined.
Read more about this in my “Womanhood, Redefined” letter.
Is this space inclusive of trans, gender nonconforming, and non-binary people?
Yes. We need all of our siblings to reclaim and create matriarchy. I am bringing my perspective as a cis woman under patriarchy so that we can expand beyond its imposed limitations.
Since we all have different experiences with gender, whether externally imposed or internally defined (often both), we need to hold space for all of our experiences. My experience is mine and yours is just as important.
I am not and should not be a dominant voice in this, drowning out others. Matriarchy is, by definition, a collective movement. If you feel called to, please contribute your thoughts so we can add to the mosaic of matriarchal change.
Do you believe in gender-neutral language?
Yes, and where possible I try to use neutral language so I can be welcoming and inclusive. In my native language of Azerbaijani, pronouns are gender neutral, so I am used to this way of thinking. This conversation is complex because though the Azerbaijani language is not gendered, Azerbaijani society upholds an extremely rigid gender binary.
I think there is room to use gendered language that is empowering rather than strictly reductive. For example, I sometimes describe the Earth as “She/Her” because I feel it is empowering. Because we live in a world where everything female, feminine, or tied to womanhood is seen as weak or inferior, I think seeing the Earth as Her, the ultimate mother, redefines power and respect not only for nature but for perceptions of femininity in general.
What is the role of men in a matriarchy?
Matriarchy is inherently egalitarian, so the role of men would be the same as anyone else’s. In a matriarchy, every person has a part to play in making sure the community thrives, and self-actualization is part of this process.
Under patriarchy, what it means to be a man is tied to how well someone can uphold contrived ideas about masculinity. Under matriarchy, your identity is not tied to your gender - you’re free to authentically be who you are.
In present-day matriarchies such as the Mosuo in China, men are involved in child-rearing (usually those of their sisters and cousins), they help build houses and generally keep livestock or fish. In a modern society, men can take on whatever role fulfills them that is also best for their community.
People make the mistake of thinking that matriarchy is solely about women's empowerment and degrades men. This reaction makes sense - patriarchy is so deeply embedded that we can only imagine social structures built on domination and hierarchy.
But matriarchy is an entirely different system, one that holds care at the center. It doesn't matter who upholds these values, as long as they are woven into every level of society.
Will you be perfect and always say the right thing?
No. I’m only human. I care deeply, but I won’t always get it right. I only ask that you meet me with compassion. Meeting each other with grace when we make mistakes is part of creating caring communities and ultimately, matriarchy.