Womanhood, redefined
What is a woman? Beyond biological essentialism and patriarchal shackles of gender.
New readers: Please begin with Matriarchy FAQs before continuing. This foundation will enrich your understanding of the essays that follow.
"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." —Audre Lorde
What is a woman if not a patriarchal fantasy that eats us alive? If we want to create a matriarchal society that respects life, including those currently labeled women, we must define "woman" for ourselves. The very act of definition is an act of power – one that has been wielded against us since the dawn of patriarchy almost 6,000 years ago. Now, it's time to take back our power.
The idea that human beings can be divided into two distinct categories ignores both scientific reality and human complexity. Patriarchy divides us to determine who has power and who does not. When we are born, we are labeled either male or female, and our lives are defined by these labels. Power is reserved for manhood, while womanhood is defined by its absence of power. This dynamic plays out differently across race, class, and other social hierarchies. In the West, white wealthy women are held up as the "ideal", while women of color and working-class women face both exclusion from this "ideal" and exploitation.
Since I am labeled a woman in our society, I have a vested interest in understanding what that means. Those of us socialized as women have been shaped by shared oppression and expectations, whether we identify with the label or not.
If we want to create a matriarchal society, we must expand the definition of "woman" to be more life-affirming and empowering. In a patriarchal society, womanhood is neither of these things. It is a cage built of condescension, underestimation, and forced motherhood.
True matriarchies have loose or nonexistent gender categories. In an egalitarian society, there is no need for rigid binaries because no one group dominates any other. Yet gender conditioning under patriarchy is incredibly entrenched, and we need a bridge to help those socialized as women unlearn patriarchal limitations. Using the word "woman" helps us recognize our shared experiences of oppression so that we can break free.
Rather than erasing womanhood, we must reclaim it as something strong, abundant, and self-defined. We must make it about connection, resilience, and wisdom rather than subordination. This disrupts patriarchy because a powerful definition of womanhood cannot be controlled.
Patriarchy tries to define womanhood through "biology" and reproductive capacity, but this definition is not scientifically accurate. Some women do not menstruate, some cannot have children, some people with XY chromosomes are born with uteruses and some with XX chromosomes never develop "female" reproductive traits. The point of using biology to define womanhood is to justify control. If you're defined as a woman, you owe society beauty, caretaking, and submission.
Patriarchy sets impossible, contradictory standards for womanhood. Women are punished for being too emotional or not emotional enough, too career-focused or too domestic, too sexual or not sexual enough. Trans women are told they "will never be real women," yet the very standards that define "real womanhood" are unstable and contradictory for everyone. In reality, patriarchy doesn't offer a coherent definition for "women" – it only defines who it wants to control.
Trans women's existence threatens the entire power structure of patriarchy. If trans women claim womanhood, this confirms that womanhood is not just about biology but about identity and self-expression. The fear and rage with which patriarchy reacts to trans women shows that the enforced gender binary is about power and control.
Under patriarchy, womanhood is defined in opposition to manhood. Whatever a man should be, a woman should not be. A man is dominant, a woman is submissive. A man is strong and stoic, a woman is weak and emotional. These binary oppositions leave no room for authentic self-expression.
Having been raised with deeply patriarchal Azerbaijani values, I internalized this binary view. But motherhood revealed this lie. Through pregnancy and birth, I discovered forms of power that patriarchy deliberately refuses to recognize. I found power in vulnerability, in asking for and receiving help, in the profound work of emotional attunement. I discovered a narrative about womanhood that was so unlike the one our society portrays. I found power in care, and in participating in nature’s cycles of creation, destruction, and regeneration. My body created a human and my old identity was destroyed, giving way to a new version of me - the woman who finds wisdom and power in the qualities society has always told me are weak.
Ironically, while patriarchy defines womanhood through reproductive capacity, it devalues motherhood itself. Motherhood under patriarchy forces us into extreme isolation and self-sacrifice while providing no real support. But motherhood is only one expression of creative and nurturing energy. We all create, destroy, renew, and care in countless ways – through our friendships, art, gardens, communities. A matriarchal society honors these diverse expressions rather than forcing everyone into rigid roles.
To destabilize patriarchy, we must redefine womanhood as powerful. Currently, being a woman is defined in terms of serving others. Patriarchy tells us there are only a few ways to be a woman: nurturing mother, obedient daughter, domestic partner, or sexual object. As a bridge to matriarchy, we could redefine womanhood as a connection to the cycles of nature - creation, destruction, regeneration, and the powers of the earth.
A womanhood based on life's cycles allows us to be creators, destroyers, healers, and visionaries - roles that shift and change based on our life experiences. This means we can reject the expectation to be "nice" or "self-sacrificing" and instead embrace a fuller range of emotions and actions, including rage, destruction, and deep rest.
Through this redefinition, we could be seen as architects of new communities, birthing ideas and new ways of being. We could feel empowered to set boundaries and walk away from harmful relationships, destroying patriarchal systems in the process. We could see rest as a necessary ingredient for renewal, and recognize care as the powerful and essential act it is.
Many different kinds of people - cis women, trans women, nonbinary people assigned female at birth - have been shaped by patriarchy's definition of womanhood. Redefining womanhood as a relationship to creation, destruction, regeneration and care provides a shared language for everyone affected by patriarchal definitions of womanhood to reclaim their own meaning and power. It creates solidarity, not based on biology, but on the experience of existing under - and moving beyond - patriarchy’s imposed definitions.
When we redefine womanhood as a relationship to creation, destruction, regeneration, and care - things that anyone can embody - we create a bridge to a world where gender is no longer a rigid binary. This does not mean that everyone use or subscribe to the term “woman” forever, but it opens up a model where gender identity is based on choice and expansion rather than limitation and imposition.
Under matriarchy, instead of gender being static, assigned at birth, and used to dictate power, it becomes dynamic and a way of engaging with the forces of life itself. Just as the cycles of nature are not about fixed identities but about transformation and movement, gender in a matriarchal future could function in a similar way. People would not be confined by gender but could embody different aspects of it depending on their needs and desires at different points in their lives.
Gender conditioning runs deep and cannot be undone overnight. Expanding the definition of womanhood creates a transitional structure that allows those socialized as women to reclaim and redefine their identity as a tool of empowerment. Using and redefining the word “woman” on our own terms allows anyone affected by misogyny to strategically organize.
Reclaiming and redefining womanhood is a transitional step and a direct challenge to patriarchal power itself. By transforming womanhood from a site of oppression to a source of power, we can begin to dismantle the foundation of patriarchal control.
Thank you for reading! Did you find this empowering? In future letters I will explore more deeply what this new definition of womanhood could tangibly entail, and how we can begin to embody it. I am only one person — we need all of our perspectives to create a matriarchal future. Please comment your thoughts so we can integrate all of our perspectives.